Consider young Thaddeus Baker
His forefinger jammed up his nose
He twirls it around
And pulls forth a mound
Then wipes it on mum’s pantyhose
Consider young Thaddeus Baker
He licks any surface in sight
From shopping cart handles
To Uncle Burt’s sandals
And sometimes the cat late at night
Consider young Thaddeus Baker
He pees wheresoever he feels
Sometimes up in the air
Or at the State Fair
And sometimes on Nikki’s high heels
Consider young Thaddeus Baker
Who dines upon curious fare
Upon dog food or glue
Or gum off a shoe
His favorite is bugs, medium rare
Consider young Thaddeus Baker
With Christmas time looming so near
His behavior transformed
To angelic reformed
If only till this time next year.