I munch thoughtfully
On my sandwiches;
I wipe the sleep
From my bleary morning eyes.
And I don’t know why...
Old Robin Williams’ jokes
Still make me laugh aloud;
Meg Ryan still makes butterflies
Dance like angels in my stomach.
And I don’t know why...
I honestly don’t understand
How I can still breathe,
Still savor the little things.
How do they not fall
Helplessly into the void
That she left behind?
I can feel,
Though I pray I could not,
The meat of my heart
Ripping slowly in two
When I think of her not being here.
Forget the pain of others —
This is my grief and I own it.
I pay for it with my mourning wail
And each bedtime sob.
And yet —
I survive through the next day
Smiling,
Cooking,
Playing,
Loving,
Remembering.
And I don’t know why.